Love, intimacy & pregnancy with a stoma – Everything you need to know

A stoma is a major change – not only physically, but also mentally. It can be completely normal to sometimes not feel like yourself as a result. It is important to give yourself enough time to get used to your new body and not to be too hard on yourself. Even if the inhibition threshold may be higher, a stoma is absolutely no obstacle to partnership, intimacy and sexuality.

Acceptance of the body

Being unhappy with your own body or feeling ashamed are natural feelings that many people suffer from – even without a stoma. We are all not perfect, because some have rolls of fat, wrinkles, pimples and some have a stoma. Nevertheless, we are perfect just the way we are. Of course, a stoma surgery is not a small blackhead on the nose, it brings a particular challenge with it. A stoma is and remains a major physical change associated with restrictions and risks that you have to learn to accept. However, there is no reason to feel less attractive as a ostomate!

For some people, the new stoma is a great relief because it gives them a higher quality of life. Others, in contrast, struggle with it because they feel alienated in their own body. Both are perfectly normal and fine. However, it is very important to realise that it takes time to familiarise yourself with your new physical circumstances and accept them. Self-acceptance is an important step towards a happy and contented life.

Not only self-acceptance helps to strengthen your self-esteem, also your ostomy appliance can support you in feeling attractive again. For example, there are extra small ostomy pouches that are less noticeable or disturbing. Other colours instead of medical beige can also make you feel better. Under certain circumstances, colostomy wearers may also be able to irrigate and use a stoma cap.

What is irrigation?

Irrigation is a type of bowel flushing which can only be done by people with a colostomy and under special conditions. By introducing water into the colon, the reflex of the elimination process is triggered, which can provide a stool-free period of approximately 24-48 hours. During this time, it is not necessary to wear conventional colostomy pouches – smaller, more inconspicuous pouches or stoma caps can now be used.

But: Whether and to what extent irrigation is an option for you must be clarified prior tohand with your doctor or your stoma care nurse. You will also need a prescription and/or intensive and detailed training from your ostomy care nurse.

Our product recommendations:

STOMOCUR® Select Extra Small (Colostomy)
STOMOCUR® Select Alginate Small (Kolostomie)
STOMOCUR® Select Cap (Colostomy)
STOMOCUR® Protect Small (Ileostomy)
STOMOCUR® Protect Clic Small (Ileostomy)
Ostomy Clothing

Click here for our black Primo® pouches.

Partnership

It may take more time to get involved with a partner after the surgery. Trust and communication are key components for a need-orientated relationship. Give yourself and your partner enough time and empathise with each other. Together you will learn how to deal with the new situation.

Please always remember: Your life is not determined by your stoma. It is therefore always advisable to talk openly about your feelings – simply to avoid misunderstandings and pressure and to increase understanding.

Here are our tips & tricks

Open communication: Talk to other people about your worries, feelings and needs. Expressing your feelings in words often creates more understanding towards you. In any case, it will help your partner to familiarise themselves with your new everyday life with a stoma.
Time: Humans love their habits, but they don't just happen, and especially not overnight. Give yourself and each other time to adjust to the changed circumstances. An open dialogue between everyone involved helps to increase mutual understanding.
External help: Stoma care nurses or psychologists can help you to deal with the situation. But your family, friends and especially your partner can also support you in coping with your new everyday life. You just have to allow it. So don't be afraid to accept help from others. Nobody will judge you.
Preparations: Those who are well prepared have less to worry about. The same principle works for sexual activities. Ideally, you empty your pouch before having sex and refrain from eating and drinking for about an hour beforehand. This will help you to avoid voiding at unfavourable times.

Attention: Nobody can or is allowed to tell you with whom, when or what you want to share about yourself and your needs. This decision is entirely up to you!

Desire for children

Good news: a ostomy does not affect the desire to have children. A healthy woman with a stoma can expect a normal pregnancy and birth. Although a pregnancy with a stoma is a high-risk pregnancy from a medical point of view, it must also be said that the majority of all women's pregnancies today are already considered high-risk pregnancies – and this is due to the increase in pre-existing disorders in our society in general and also the increasing age of expectant mothers.

In general, a two-year waiting period after ostomy surgery is recommended so that the stoma can grow well into the abdominal wall and withstand the enormous pressure in the abdominal cavity during the last weeks of pregnancy.

If you already want to have children before a planned stoma surgery, you should definitely discuss this with your attending doctor and your ostomy care nurse. In this way, the position of the stoma can be chosen so that it is easy to care for during pregnancy. During pregnancy, the skin stretches and the shape of your stoma may change. However, this is no cause for concern as, in case of doubt, only your appliance will need to be adjusted.

Chemotherapy

If radiotherapy is necessary due to cancer, the ovaries can be protected from damage. It is also possible to retrieve and fertilise eggs before the start of radiotherapy. The eggs are then frozen in case a natural pregnancy is no longer possible after the cancer treatment.

It is generally recommended to wait two years after chemotherapy before becoming pregnant in order to avoid possible malformations.

Ostomy supply

In most cases, the ostomy appliance needs to be adapted during pregnancy due to the changes of the stomach. It is often sufficient to enlarge the opening of the baseplate, as the stoma also increases in size during pregnancy. If enlarging the baseplate of your supply is not adequate, you can try soft, flat and above all flexible skin protection materials.We are always happy to recommend our supplies with gelatine free or hydrocolloid skin protection. In the case of a urostomy, we recommend our MicroSkin supply.

Can't make a decision? No problem. Just order up to three products directly to your home free of charge. Find out how our sample order works here.

Please do not use convex products during your pregnancy, as they exert too much pressure on the abdomen. In general, it is always the best idea to talk to your ostomy care nurse about this and try out possible solutions.

Accessoires

As your view downwards becomes increasingly difficult as your stomach grows, a mirror is definitely a good idea during the change of supply. It is also advisable to wear a pregnancy support bandage (note: not a stoma bandage!) to relieve pressure on your back and pelvic region. As with any other pregnancy, you should also visit your specialist for regular check-ups and examinations.

Hormones

Hormonal changes during pregnancy can also have an effect on bowel movements (diarrhoea or constipation). You will need to make additional adjustments to your supply. It is always a good idea to have a few ileostomy pouches in stock in case of diarrhoea.

Birth

A vaginal birth is also possible with a ostomy and is usually recommended as it is beneficial for the child. During natural birth, the baby absorbs the mother's bacterial flora, which promotes colonisation of the intestines and skin and can strengthen the immune system. A C-section is still a legitimate option, especially if there are medical reasons such as an unfavourable position of the baby or stoma. However, it should be noted that existing growths or fistulas can make the procedure more difficult, as these must first be loosened..

For an individual evaluation, please speak to your doctor and your stoma care nurse.

Repositioning of the stoma

If the stoma is already planned to be repositioned at a later date, a c-section is also the method of choice. This avoids the risk of a perineal tear, which could damage the sphincter muscle and make it more difficult to reposition the stoma.

Breastfeeding

After the birth, breastfeeding is important for bonding and your stoma should not be an obstacle. Of course, as with any other woman, problems can arise while breastfeeding. Here it is important to talk to your midwife or doctor, who will be able to offer you advice and support.

Very important when it comes to breastfeeding is any medication you may be taking. Depending on which medication you have to take due to your underlying illness, the potential effects on your child must be weighed up. This must also be discussed exclusively with your doctor!

Our little tip for breastfeeding with a stoma: Empty your pouch before breastfeeding your baby. An active infant could loosen the pouch and/or cause a leak.

As you can see, your stoma does not affect your partnership, intimacy or your desire to have children. With a little time, trust in your body, empathy and the right people, life is just as loveable as without a stoma!

For more information about us or our products, please visit our website. There you will find, among other things, our detailed FAQ and other interesting blog articles all about the topic stoma. You can also contact us via our social media channels or send us an e-mail. We look forward to hearing from you!